The False Security of Being Adored

Why do we like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Tinder, Bumble, or any of those self gratifying social constructs? Because… they are self-gratifying. We can quantify how many people like what we say, how we look, who we are. We can see who likes us. We can see who is engaged in our lives. And it feels awesome. Because it feels like we are adored by 5, 15, 25, 50, 50+ people and that makes us “popular”, “special”, “important”. It gives us something that we may not have had in our childhood. A feeling of fullness that we seem to be lacking.

But what happens if you don’t post something. Or if you only get one like. You immediately feel like you aren’t enough and you immediately question, “what did I do wrong with this one?” The feeling of adoration is false. It doesn’t last onto your next post, your next hour, your next day. So like any addict you’re going to seek that next means of the high. You’re going to push yourself to get that feeling of adoration. You’re going to get that gratification you so very much need.

How does one get validation without the cavalcades of the inter-webs?

Be a person of service. Do unto others. Give your time, your money or anything that you can allow to give of yourself. Giving of yourself to others is the best way to fill up your cup of gratification.

Interact Off-line. All those “friends” you’ve got in your many social platforms could be beneficially your support circle IRL (in real life for the layman) and having people actually around you might lead to a cup upgrade to a bucket.

“Hello, My Name is Self”. Make your apoca-list (the list you make if the world were coming to an end)... figure out the things you need to do or adventures you need to go on for a closer connection to yourself. Bucket of fulfillment meet tub.

Stretch yourself Armstrong! Do things that feel like a stretch for you. Push your boundaries, try things and see how lessons and successes are going to push that tub to a pool.

Say grace. Reflecting in that pool will very quickly turn it to an ocean. Be grateful for what you have, what you can have and what others have. 

And when you’ve been able to accomplish all of that you can go swimming in that ocean. I guarantee it will be much more rewarding and much more long lasting than those quick fixes of that which is social media. It’s not that I am completely against the grandness of Facebook, the enjoyment of the visuals on Instagram, the glorious filters of Snapchat… but it’s best to leave that to the frosting on your validation cake and not the sole provider.