Dispelling the Illusion of Control and Janet Jackson
I wanted to make a witty connection to Janet Jackson's song Control because that is the key word in todays post. However, at a review of her lyrics, it doesn't quite fit the theme of where I am going with this. She sings about taking control of her life out of other people's hands and owning it all herself. And while I completely agree that no one else should ever dictate your actions I do believe that "control" is an illusion.
We can't control what happens in our lives. We can make choices and support the choices we've made. But at the end of the day there are so many factors that have very little to do with those choices. We are at the mercy of something much greater than ourselves.
We can't control what people think, feel, or say about us. We want to. We dress a certain way and say a certain thing. We present ourselves in an expectation that it will be received how we want it to be but people are going to think what they think, feel what they feel and say what they say. Generally it has more to do with the mirrored reflection they have (about you - the good or the bad) reflecting back on themselves. So why try to fit a certain mold? Why try to impress or persuade them to believe a certain thing about you. Why tell them you are a certain way. They are going to believe what they believe regardless. Just be you.
We can't control other people's actions. Car accidents happen because one person moves a certain way and you don't anticipate or expect it. This is why signals were created. To communicate with another person what you plan to do and what you expect of them (hit the brakes, son). Sometimes we can't even control our own actions. I know a few too many people that thought they were pushing out a fart but it kept going and they all of a sudden had a dumpy butt. Sorry, I took it there. When you try to control something quite often you literally shit the bed.
The reason I bring this up today is because too many of my friends and clients are coming to me and telling me that they can't trust other people to "get the job done". They micromanage and let their "control-freak" flag fly. And I am here to tell you, STOP. Trust that the plan is place. Trust that you are communicating correctly. Trust that someone is going to do what needs to be done because that is the job you hired them for. Trust that you made the right decision or that you can easily correct that by making another decision. Trust that you are enough and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If you can't trust that then learn to do and be better.
Take down your flag. Control is bullshit. And we are all laughing at you for believing otherwise.