You May Go But You'll Never Leave

I left Los Angeles on a solo road trip to "get past my fears and move into disruption". I did just that. I may not have detailed the nitty gritty of my travels because who wants to hear about the tasty Burning Balls that I tried in SF. I tried to include you, though, in the things that came up along the trip. There were a lot of feelings, emotions and judgements. And I promise you that the fears I was trying to release got dragged behind me like a little kid carrying a heavy backpack after an exhausting day at school. Baggage is heavy man. Two weeks and many fears tackled and I'm still the same ole me. 

The Eagles said, "You can check out any time you like but you can never leave." And while Hotel California might be a twisted and strange 70's acid trip there is some major truth to it. Vacation is an attempt to vacate the self. Some people mentally check out. Some people become raging booze hounds. Some people become adventure junkies. But what I find is that you're never vacating yourself. You amplifying. A lot of my friends don't know that they've seen me incredibly drunk. Because I am the fun drunk. I am laughing and having a wonderful time. I have a friend who becomes the angry fighting drunk. The funny thing is you can feel the anger in him when he's sober but the major release of it is when he is not. Pay attention to the person you become when you "vacate" because that person is the you who you're not attending to. *I'm not saying go get shwasted tonight because I think a lot of us can locate this without in the moment experience - even if we have to ask friends.

So in reflection of what transpired the past two weeks I say this. We are complicated beings but really not super complicated. We want food, sleep, laughter, and affection. We're like the baby that is trying to be born a little too early for my tastes (you know who you are little one and you just stay cooking). And the best tool I can give you is to address what the vacated self needs; be it anger management or more laughs with friends. You need this. Take two and call me in the morning. 

Heather Kohos