You feel like you’ve had the hardest day and only one person will understand you… Only one person is comrade to your pain. They are Tylenol and take the pain away for a bit. They are your Gingko Biloba and help you to find clarity. They make you better. In “therapy” terms these are non-toxic relationships. They serve you and your needs and that’s all we can ask for.
And then there are relationships that take a lot of effort. They don’t make you feel good, whole, happy, smarter, stronger, better. They drain you like vampires… sucking every last ounce of emotion and energy. These are toxic relationships.
The easiest way to resolve toxicity is to dance your way out. We’ve all gone ghosty on one person or another… or sometimes you keep that person around because they fill a void of some sort. Maybe they behave in a manner you’re used to (dysfunction attracts dysfunction). Maybe you are scared of not having someone around. Maybe you currently aren’t attracting anyone better. Let’s fix that.
I know that I harp on having a strong core foundation but without it your house falls down. If you know who you are, what your personal values are, and what you need you absolutely will attract a Support Circle that will cover every single one of your needs.
With the holidays coming up a lot of people are starting to feel low… the pressure cooker of obligation is on. Are you feeling it? Can you honestly look at every area you think you need support right now and say you’ve got it covered? If so, I applaud you.
If not do the following and build your Support Circle:
- Core Foundation work: Harp, harp. See past articles.
- Figure out the void you’re scared of and fill it: Take a deep look and then go deeper. It might not be about a person. It might be loneliness. It might be about self identity. It might be a bevvy of diagnosis that, quite honestly, I don’t have because I’m not a therapist.
- Assess your current relationships and/or build new ones: See if you can shift someone current into the support you need. If they can’t it’s okay and doesn’t reflect on you. It’s them telling you that they aren’t capable of more and that’s both honest and honorable. Look at your surface friends or your acquaintances. Can that relationship go heavier? Start going to meetups or events where you might meet some likeminded people. Put yourself out there and see what comes back.
- Let down your walls: Everyone has trauma. Everyone has dysfunction. It’s how we perceive it, how we release it and how we heal that shows the power house that we can become.
- Be yourself: I’m guessing you’re pretty damn awesome. Be that “you”. And be that “you” daily. Someone may have told you to tone it down or to stop being super emotional or to be different but that person isn’t worth a rat’s ass to you at the moment. You disbursing the carcinogens from your body and it starts with their words. Even if that person is your parents. Let it go and love who you are.
I’m guessing now you might feel the need to mentally (or on paper) assess your current relationships… who is helping and who is hindering… and that’s okay. It’s better than okay because it means you’re taking steps. Start taking action and making moves and shifting your perspective. Life is work but it’s the best kind of work if you have the right perspective.