New Year, New You... a bunch of hooey

The statement “New Year, New You” implies that you can and should create a new version of the person you are because everything about you is wrong. And I can’t support that statement. The concept of creating a new you is asinine. Are you completely terrible? Do you live “wrong”? Have you got to change everything about yourself in order to exist successfully? The true answer is no.

Have you ever heard the saying "No matter where you go, there you are"?

Confucious say, yep! It’s totally true. You can not escape yourself. Wherever you go… however old you get… you will always be yourself.

You don’t lose that.

You may not have found yourself yet. It takes some time and a lot of work.

The new year (or some people’s philosophy on birthdays) signifies a time when you reflect and resolve. You resolve to be do better, say better, and be better. It’s a chance for you to see where you are lacking and where you need to focus. Some will be minor resolutions and some will be ambitious… and most of them will not continue past January 30th as a practice.

The reason?

Every resolution comes from a place of weakness… a poor habit… dysfunctional beliefs… low self worth… self abuse… lack of self connection… a root cause.

The reason that many people can’t stick to their resolutions is that they are skimming the surface of the problem and not getting into that root… not getting into the nitty gritty of the problem.

And if you don't get into the root you'll only be putting a bandaid on a cancer. Old patterns, habits and behaviors will recycle because you won't be setup to succeed.

Let’s say your problem is weight gain.

Naturally you’re going to go on a diet and start exercising more. But you’ll tire of it quickly or one day you’ll have a hard one and dive into that Cookies and Cream Ice Cream because it’s so soothing.

The resistance is real.

And the reason it is so real is because you are focusing on some of the areas of the problem but not all of them. There are emotions and mindsets in place that have to be addressed as well.

As long as food is a security blanket… a prize or a punishment… as long as it’s a tool of self destruction and you are playing a game of Russian Roulette… you’ll never get through it. You’ll lose the weight for a month and gain more back the next.

You’ll roller coaster it for awhile until one day you sort through the real reason you’re doing this and you’ll truly release it. *This is strictly an example and not a diagnosis because I don’t know you or what you’re going through.

I can’t define what success looks like to you because it is completely subjective to each person and their individual definition. What I can do is tell you that your problem is most likely more emotional than surface and if you can come to that agreement you can fix it.

So, how about this. Instead of making a “resolution” this year just look at yourself.

Be really honest and look at yourself.

Make note of all of your weaknesses, your habits (good and bad), your behaviors. Look at the things that you judge in others or that bother you in specific people.

Hold that mirror up to yourself to see if maybe those are things you do, things you’d like to do but aren’t brave enough to try, or maybe they are things that bring up something about a dynamic with someone special which you haven’t dealt with.

This is your time to reflect and grow.

Resolutions are made as promises to yourself… and being that we are our best frenemies we have a tendency to betray promises. Instead make a new friend, that is the true you, and take care of him/her like you would anyone you truly loved.

Listen to your own problems. Be unbiased and out of love come up with some solutions that will truly help you. And if you can’t be there for yourself, find a specialist who can. It’s a really important thing to take care of the deeper you and, if it hasn’t already, it should start today.

I’ll end this post by saying one more thing: a tiny spark can light a massive flame. Don’t aim to be the bonfire off the bat. Just be the match.

Happy New Year!

With love,




Heather Kohos